"Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." (Colossians 3:19)
The purpose of Domestic Violence is undo control in an effort to make a possession of the partner by the abuser. It is very dangerous and never to be tolerated.
While it is not always possible to predict whether a potential partner might become abusive, the following behaviors are often seen in people who abuse their partners. If the person exhibits several of these behaviors, there may be a strong potential for domestic violence.
Extreme Jealousy
Controlling behavior including controlling funds
Quick involvement
Unrealistic expectations
Isolation cutting you off from family and friends
Blames others for own problems
Cruelty to animals, pets or children
Abuse of sexual intimacy
Verbal abuse
Rigid gender roles
Explosive temper and sudden mood swings
Past abuse
Threats of violence or actual hitting
Breaking or striking objects
And force during an argument including holding or pushing
After abuse there is often tears and claims to never do it again. All kinds of hearts and flowers, but the abuse will just continue later on.
If you detect several of these patterns, you need to consider getting out of the relationship. Safety comes first; this is a dangerous situation. Seek help from your faith leader and contact the local Domestic Violence agency in your area. Do not tell your abusive partner that you are going to leave, that is too dangerous. Just keep your plans to yourself. There are no religious grounds in any religious tradition for staying in an abusive marriage. If you are abused, the abuser has broken his covenant with the Lord.
Reverend George V. Schubel
Interfaith Minister
Monday, March 16, 2009
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